is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
