Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
