the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize