Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
