Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
COCAINE IS GR8
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
