respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
