I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
