dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
