You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
