Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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