I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This is classic penis vs brain.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
