You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
