someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
