I should be sponsored by Trojan
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
there is glitter all over my balls
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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