Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
