ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
