Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
