she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
