watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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