So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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