Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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