So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
