So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
