I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
