i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
