Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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