I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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