1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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