Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
