My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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