I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
