She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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