Well apparently he's into motor boating.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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