just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
