thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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