At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
