that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
