i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Oh god it's open bar.
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