i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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