So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
