I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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