I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
