the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
