You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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