apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
