That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Randomize
