Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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