You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have feelings that need drinking.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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