I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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