my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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