Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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