all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
