I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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