i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
