i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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