I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
