chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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