i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
