i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
