I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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