He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
