I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
