I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
