I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
