i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize