I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Randomize
