Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
