You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize