Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
