i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
