remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
