do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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