Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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