so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize