So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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