I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
