I think my vagina is haunted
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
