Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
