He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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